Choosing the perfect name for a baby is a task that requires both parents‘ agreement.
It’s not always easy, especially when each parent has a different preference, but choosing a baby name should be a joint effort. The challenge lies in finding a compromise, as this often involves extensive discussions and can be quite taxing, but it’s crucial to reach a consensus before finalising the birth certificate.
One expectant mother and her husband are facing this dilemma as they struggle to agree on a name for their daughter. The mum-to-be shared on Reddit that her husband insists on incorporating a tribute to his mother in their child’s name. However, she has a significant issue with this – she “can’t stand” her mother-in-law’s name.
The woman explained that she had already expressed her wish to use the middle name Jacqueline as a tribute to her own mother, who passed away unexpectedly a few months before she became pregnant. Her husband agreed to this, but he also wanted to honour his own mother in their child’s name.
His wife, however, isn’t so keen. She confessed that she doesn’t like her mother-in-law’s first name, Judith, or her middle name, Charmaine. Moreover, she isn’t comfortable with the idea of naming children after “living relatives”. She believes her daughter should have her own identity and feels that her tribute name is different because her mother has already passed away.
She wrote: “He will not let this go, and I feel he will veto any other name I want to give my child unless she gets one of these as (at least) a middle name as well.
“I also personally don’t like naming children after living relatives. I want my daughter to have a first name that is hers alone, that doesn’t connect her to anyone else, and that she can define herself by. And while my mother will never meet her only granddaughter, we live with my mother-in-law, and she will be a constant part of my daughter’s life growing up. It doesn’t seem entirely fair to me.”
Despite her mother-in-law being an integral part of their lives, she feels it’s unfair to name her daughter after her, especially since the names are deemed “too old fashioned” and don’t match with Jacqueline, which she likes.
Opinions among commenters were divided; some felt it was important to honour both sides of the family, while others noted that the child would already carry her father’s surname. Suggestions included finding entirely new names or choosing a different ‘J’ name to subtly honour both women, with one person advising: “You have a stalemate; find new names that don’t involve relatives. Start fresh.”
Another suggested: “I’d go with a different J name. Honours both women and to you, it can be more for your mum. Remember – it doesn’t need to ‘mean’ the same thing to everyone.”