With a pledge to “Måke Califørnia Great Ægain,” a petition in Denmark seeks to counter U.S. President Donald Trump’s threats to acquire Greenland by instead buying the most-populated and richest state in America.
Doing so, the creators of Denmarkification reason, is a win for both the Danish people and the new president, whom they allege isn’t the state’s “biggest fan.”
“He’s called it ‘the most ruined state in the Union’ and has feuded with its leaders for years,” they wrote on the very satirical website, which eclipsed 200,000 signatories as of Tuesday afternoon and set a new marker of 500,000.
“We’re pretty sure he’d be willing to part with it for the right price.”
The price they have in mind is $1 trillion and a lifetime supply of Danish pastries — far short of California’s $4 trillion GDP in 2024.
The “Tremendous Plan” involves crowdfunding to achieve the lofty sum.
“That’s just 200,000 kroner from every Dane. Skip a few lattes, and you’re golden,” they suggest. That amount is equal to about $25,000 Canadian.
They also promise to send the country’s “bestest negotiators” — Lego executives and the cast of Borgen, the highly-rated Danish political drama television series — to strike the most profitable deal for Denmark.
Like any good crowdfunding campaign, they’ve also promised donor perks. A modest 10 kroner (roughly a buck and a quarter Canadian) earns a thank-you note or postcard from the Danish royal family, while a $1,000,000 donation returns “a private beach in Malibu (terms and conditions apply.)”
As for what the Danes stand to gain should their bid be successful, atop the list of boons is a chance for residents to escape Denmark’s typically “cozy” weather.
“California has 300 days of sunshine a year. Imagine swapping your rain boots for flip-flops!”
Wednesday’s forecast for the capital Copenhagen is partly cloudy with temperatures hovering just above freezing.
Other benefits include an influx of “tech bros” into the citizenry and an unending supply of avocado toast.
The acquisition will require some stateside adjustments, chiefly renaming it to New Denmark, and Disneyland to Hans Christian Andersenland.
As a Danish territory, they’ll also institute core national values.
“We’ll bring hygge to Hollywood, bike lanes to Beverly Hills, and organic smørrebrød to every street corner. Rule of law, universal health care and fact based politics might apply.”
The Danes describe hygge as “taking time away from the daily rush to be together with people you care about — or even by yourself — to relax and enjoy life’s quieter pleasures.”
Californians might not be on board with foregoing their American citizenship to become Danes, but the website makers figure that won’t prevent Trump from making a deal.
“As for the will of the citizens? Well, let’s face it — when has that ever stopped him?”
Those who sign the petition are required only to submit a first name, email and country, and can choose to stay informed via email.
“By submitting information you are agreeing that we’re very funny and to the use of your data in accordance with our privacy policy,” the fine print reads.
The National Post has contacted the website maker to confirm the legitimacy of the signatures.
The campaign itself, as noted by the makers, is far from legitimate.
“Disclaimer: This campaign is 100% real… in our dreams,” they wrote in small text at the bottom of the page.
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