Liam Payne’s girlfriend Kate Cassidy is speaking out for the first time since the One Direction singer’s tragic death last year.
Payne died after falling from a hotel balcony in Buenos Aires last October at the age of 31. Now, more than three months later, his girlfriend is revealing what their final days together were like in an exclusive interview with the U.K. Sun.
“It still doesn’t feel fully real for me that he’s not here,” the model and influencer told the outlet. “I’m trying to be the best I can be, but I feel like my life has changed so much. I think about Liam every second of every day.”
Cassidy, 25, had been travelling with Payne in Argentina in the weeks leading up to his death, but had returned to the U.S. two days before he died.
In the hours following the incident, fans combed through Payne’s social media posts searching for insight into his mental state.
In a series of videos shared on his Snapchat, the father of one appeared normal and said he was “having a lovely day” in Argentina with Cassidy.
Cassidy told the Sun that she left Payne by himself in Argentina because she had to return to Florida to care for their dog.
“We had our dog and obviously I never, ever thought this event would occur,” she said. “Love is so optimistic, and you just hope that everything will work out at the end. Obviously, if I knew, if I could see into the future, I would never have left Argentina.”
The TikToker went on to add that she was thankful she didn’t learn about Payne’s death from social media.
“I feel blessed I didn’t find out over social media because I just couldn’t even imagine that,” she said. “I was in our home with our dog, scrolling TikTok and one of Liam’s friends called me.”
Cassidy said she initially thought the “tragic accident” was “just a rumour.”
“I didn’t believe it at first. I thought it was just a rumour. Or something that somebody made up just to get views,” she explained. “Then instantly I just had a bad feeling in my gut. I was like, ‘Why would somebody make this up? Is this true?’ And I feel like I just completely blacked out.”
Cassidy, who previously revealed the pair were planning to get married, said they were like “soulmates.”
“From the moment I met Liam, I genuinely believed we were soulmates; he was the most humble, charming, normal person you could ever hope to come across and genuinely one of the best people I’ve ever met in my life,” she said.
In a post shared to her Instagram Stories that included a link to her interview with the Sun, Cassidy told her more than 850,000 followers that “the past few months have been truly heartbreaking.”
“I keep hoping I’ll wake up and this was all just a bad dream,” she wrote. “Most days I feel numb and broken. The weight of it all feels unbearable.”
She said she agreed to the interview because she “wanted to share an insight into the relationship with the love of my life.”
“This is my first ever interview while I navigate the pain of losing Liam, so please bear with me as I share my experience, which I hope will be received with compassion and understanding,” she wrote.
In the weeks after his death, TMZ and ABC News reported that Payne “had multiple substances in his system” when he fell from a balcony at the CasaSur Palermo Hotel.
One of the illicit substances found in Payne’s body, ABC reported, was “pink cocaine,” also known as Tusi, a popular party drug that was also named in the lawsuit against Sean “Diddy” Combs as one of his alleged go-to drugs. The drug does not contain cocaine and is made up of methamphetamine, ketamine and MDMA, according to the U.S. National Capital Poison Center.
Payne’s autopsy also revealed traces of cocaine, crack and benzodiazepine, which is a depressant, were present in his body at the time of the accident.
In the leadup to Payne’s death, 911 audio detailed a frantic scene in the hotel as staff sought medical help dealing with the troubled star.
“We have a guest who is high and drunk; and when he is conscious, he is destroying his room and we need you to send someone, please. We need you to send someone urgently because I don’t know if his life is in danger,” the manager named “Esteban” said.
In December, an Argentine judge confirmed charges against five people in connection with the tragedy.
The week after his death, Cassidy paid tribute to the Teardrops singer on Instagram calling Payne “my best friend, the love of my life.”
“I will love you for the rest of my life and beyond, carrying our dreams and memories with me everywhere I go,” she promised.