Environment Minister Steven Guilbeault and his department have finally decided what is the greatest threat to Canada’s ecology.
It’s not your SUV spewing emissions from its tailpipe as you idle it absentmindedly in your driveway. Nor is it the oilsands or new pipelines or oceangoing tankers full of crude. It’s not even coal-fired power plants or the natural gas furnace that keeps your home warm during long Canadian winters. (Although, of course, those are all menaces the federal government has proposed to regulate out of existence.)
Nope. The biggest threat to Canada’s environment is your housecat.
According to the online news service Blacklock’s Reporter, Environment Canada claims there are hundreds of thousands of cats – pets, strays and feral cats – roaming Canadian cities devouring wild birds, left, right and centre.
The feline menace is everywhere. You feed your kitty well. Only the finest canned meats or chewy kibble. But deep down, all your precious little fluffball wants is that chickadee it keeps peering at out the window.
The moment your back is turned, out your tabby scurries bent on becoming the Audubon Society’s Public Enemy #1.
In a departmental report entitled Green Cities: Benefits For All, federal bureaucrats wonder “How can urban green spaces help birds in cities? How can we reduce bird deaths due to cats?”
Elsewhere in the report (which sounds as if it should be tongue-in-cheek, but isn’t), Guilbeault’s eco-crats refer to your precious Foo-Foo or Coco or Kiki as “predators on the prowl” causing unspeakable carnage in our neighbourhoods.
The report claims Gatineau, a suburb of the nation’s capital, just across the Ottawa River in Quebec, has up to 48,000 cats on the loose, fangs bared and claws at the ready to spear any poor, unsuspecting sparrow, robin or bluejay.
Since Gatineau has just under 300,000 residents (not counting its population of cuddly bird-killers), that would mean about one loose cat for every six residents. If that were a legitimate ratio, you’d see cats running loose everywhere, wouldn’t you?
No, no say the reports authors. Canadians’ pet cats are sneaky b**tards. “Most cats avoid parks and stay close to buildings,” wrote the department. “This puts birds that visit backyard feeders at greater risk of predation.”
The horror! Here you thought you were being kind to our winged visitors by putting up feeders around your deck and under your trees. When in truth you were merely luring them to grisly deaths at the hands … sorry, the paws of those avian murderers you are giving sanctuary to in your home.
In most Canadian cities, cats are not supposed to roam free. And the Canadian Veterinary Medical Association estimates that cats that are allowed outside have an average lifespan of just two to five years. Cats are hardly the apex predators Environment Canada imagines.
In our neighbourhood, there are frequently posters plastered on lampposts featuring missing cats. Unfortunately, with the number of coyotes in the area, I know where the kitties have gone. Nearby birds have nothing to fear.
And “experts” wonder why large swathes of the public no longer believe them.
Frankly, I’m a dog person. I’ve got nothing against cats, I just prefer canine companionship.
But I will resist with all my might any federal effort to regulate housecats. If the crusaders at Environment Canada can come for your cat, they will eventually convince themselves dogs should be their next target.
I’m guessing most outdoor cats are a bigger nuisance to neighbours’ flowerbeds and sandboxes than they are to migrating geese, ducks and swans.
Still, I get a kick out of pet bylaws like Edmonton’s and Calgary’s that require loose cats to respect property lines. Oh, yeah, give Felix the legal description of your lot and an overhead schematic of your property and tell him not to leave the yard.