OK, everyone, Canada needs a new Prime Minister and Justin Trudeau needs a new job.
As usual, the federal Liberals, having created the problem — in this case, Trudeau — have no idea of how to fix it, so it’s up to the rest of us to come up with solutions.
Only if Trudeau can be enticed into taking a new job befitting his stature as Canada’s former prime minister, are we going to to be able to emerge from our ongoing national nightmare: Justin Trudeau — should he stay or should he go?
Here are our ideas. Feel free to come up with your own.
Idea number one: A national coalition of Liberal bagmen funds a new, non-profit Canadian climate agency headed by the King Canute Climate Czar — Trudeau — who will emerge from his office at 4:00 pm every day to command the tides to stop rolling in, thus not wetting his feed and robe.
Idea number two: Feds appoint Trudeau to oversee Canada’s non-existent arms sales to Israel, ensuring they are Charter compliant with our diversity, equity and inclusion policies.
Idea number three: The Royal Canadian Mounted Police and the Canadian Security Intelligence Service jointly create a new task force headed by Trudeau, giving him the authority to release Canada’s top-secret foreign interference files to whoever he wants, whenever he wants, anywhere he wants.
Idea number four: Provincial education ministries across the country establish a national think tank headed by Trudeau, authorized to visit every elementary school student in Canada, explaining to them how quantum computing works, and what their gender identity means.
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Idea number five: University research libraries across Canada jointly fund a new national database administered by Trudeau to help him determine how many times he wore Blackface prior to entering politics, since he can’t remember.
Now we know none of these ideas are perfect and all can be improved if we collectively put our heads together to tighten and refine them.
We are also confident there are even better ideas out there waiting to be discovered by households paying the federal carbon tax— meaning all households excluding those in B.C. and Quebec — which the feds say leave 80% of families better off because of quarterly climate action incentive payments … honest!