When a child is displaying negative behaviour on an ongoing basis in the home environment, this can have a detrimental effect on the overall atmosphere in the home, and in turn, can have a significant impact on relationships within the family dynamic.
This article delves more closely into why parents being on the same page is so crucial in addressing the behaviour and in creating a more harmonious home environment and a more positive outcome in the long run:
Roisin Doherty
⬤ Both Parents Need To Be On The Same Page In Terms Of Being Mindful Of How They Conduct Themselves Around Their Child:
This is important as if either parent is setting a poor example in how they behave, their child will observe this and their behaviour will reflect it. Parents who display positive behaviour, allow for a more solid foundation for their child to start off from, as parents are a child’s biggest influence.
⬤ Both Parents Need To Be On The Same Page In Terms Of Creating Clear Rules and Boundaries So Their Child Knows What Is Expected Of Them:
Children thrive on stability and consistency, and so parents need to work together to provide their child with this consistency, in relation to how they are responding to their child’s behaviour. Parents need to outline clear rules and boundaries that they uphold consistently, so that their child can predict how their parents are going to respond to things, which in turn teaches the child how to behave — If parents are not being consistent in upholding the rules and boundaries and are not consistent in how they are responding to the behaviour, this blurs the rules and boundaries for the child, and increases the chance of the child testing limits to see where the boundaries are at.
⬤ Both Parents Need To Be On The Same Page With The Approach They Are Using To Address Behaviour:
Oftentimes, parents have very different ideas of how to go about addressing behaviour, which can often stem from how the parents themselves were brought up. An example of when parents are not on the same wavelength, is when one parent sways towards a softer approach while the other parent sways towards a firmer approach. As the parents are not on the same page using one single approach, this gives the child mixed messages about the consequences of their behaviour, and so the parents do not then see the improvement in the child’s behaviour that they were hoping to see. This can then result in friction between the parents, as each parent feels as far as they are concerned, that they are doing things in the correct way. Each parent feels it is due to the other parent’s way of addressing things that they are not seeing an improvement, which leads to resentment between both parents and the blame game.
⬤ Both Parents Need To Be On The Same Page With Putting The Same Effort Into Addressing The Behaviour:
If one parent is putting a lot of effort into addressing the behaviour, but then when it is up to the other parent, if the other parent is not willing to make that same effort, this will delay the progress that they are looking to make.
⬤ Both Parents Need To Be On The Same Page With Being A Team and Supporting Each Other:
What can happen is the “good cop, bad cop” scenario, where one parent tries to address the behaviour, while the other parent gives in “for an easy life”. When this happens, the child sees their parents are not working as a team and it reduces the respect the child has for the parent who is being undermined. The child is then more likely to play up to this by playing one parent off the other. So, when situations arise, the child turns to the parent who lets them away with things. This leads to power struggles between the two parents, with the other parent feeling unsupported and undermined as they are doing their best to uphold the rules and boundaries, whereas the other parent is looking for the easy way out and to stay in the child’s good books. If this cycle continues, parents don’t see the change in behaviour they were hoping to see and so the parent who was trying to improve the behaviour, tends to lose heart.
To summarise, when parents clearly outline to the child what the rules and boundaries are, and are consistent in how they respond to behaviour, while backing each other up as a unified team, the child recognises this. This in turn, increases parental authority, which makes the child feel safe and secure in their home environment, as they know that their parents are in charge and have a good handle on things. Studies have also shown that when parents are on the same page in how they address behaviour, the child is more likely to display more positive behaviour in the long run, which is the overall aim.
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