A TikTok creator from Nottingham has shared the harsh transphobic attacks she and her partner face, from being labelled a “gay couple” to claims that “society is doomed.” When Kai Turner and her partner Rob first met, Kai, 32, identified as male.
Two years into their relationship, she came out as transgender and now identifies as a trans woman. Rob, who previously identified as a straight man and has three children from previous relationships, has wholeheartedly embraced Kai’s transition.
“Before me, Rob was in a 16-year relationship with the mum of two of his children and had only one short-term gay relationship,” Kai said. “We get judged because my boyfriend became my girlfriend. Trolls comment, ‘So if he’s a man, does that make this a gay couple?’. People even stare at us in public – some have walked into lamp posts from turning their heads! Despite our ups and downs, we’re still going strong.”
Growing up in Leicester, Kai thrived in an environment that celebrated her uniqueness. “My childhood was amazing. I grew up in a cute, little council estate. It was just me and my mum and we were the perfect team. She always supported me. While our neighbourhood was a little rough – and I was always different with my aesthetic and way of carrying myself – I was always embraced, sometimes with confusion, but never with aggression,” she said.
“I first knew I was transgender a little later in life than others. I didn’t have the power of Social media as much as the younger generation do today but I always related to androgynous figures like Pete Burns, Jeffree Star, and Prince. It wasn’t until my teenage years that I discovered transgender individuals on YouTube and finally felt okay with who I really was.”
Five years ago, Kai met Rob on Facebook. “He dropped me a message, and we started chatting,” said Kai. “Just a few months later, he proposed to me on the beach – and I immediately said ‘yes’.”
Some of the harshest criticism Kai and Rob face as a couple comes from within the LGBTQ+ community itself. “Gay men have questioned Rob’s relationship with me, wondering why he doesn’t just date a man if he’s attracted to someone who was assigned male at birth. It always surprises me as the LGBTQ+ community should be a space of acceptance and understanding,” said Kai, who has been on hormone therapy for three years and is soon undergoing breast augmentation.
“I’ve never feared surgery; I’ve researched and educated myself. Most trans individuals feel pressured to have surgeries to be validated, but it’s all about your personal journey. You do what brings you happiness.”
In addition to her plans for surgery, Kai is an advanced practitioner in aesthetics, performing her own treatments, including lip fillers and Botox.
“Of course I’ve had fillers!” she laughed. “Thankfully, I’m a level 7 advanced practitioner and have been doing aesthetics for four and a half years. I do my own treatments- lip fillers, cheek filler, Botox & more!”