I say ‘disciplined’, my wife says ‘boundaries’, either way, our children learnt the meaning of the word ‘no’ at a very early age.
This wasn’t just to stop them from touching the hot oven door, or to prevent them from running into the path of an oncoming car, it was also to ensure that they entered school ready to be taught, and therefore not be a burden to teachers, and that they would grow up to become adults who abided by the laws of the land, by doing simple things like paying for goods that they remove from the shelves of a shop.
They also lived in a household full of love and affection, where good behaviour was recognised and rewarded, often with a kiss and a hug, but sometimes with a trip to the Newsagent, where they could choose a magazine or some football stickers.
In all likelihood, you will never meet one of our sons, but if you’ve ever travelled on a packed bus, train or tube, and you’ve looked in need of a seat, or you’ve been struggling with heavy luggage, then it may well have been one of my boys who happily helped you out.
For the purposes of balance, I must inform you that they are not perfect. They were all brainwashed – sorry – educated at university, so it’s fair to say that our politics and world views do not always align.
Consequently, we have some very lively conversations when we gather around our dinner table! Many of these discussions revolve around crime and punishment, which is hardly surprising because my wife and I have over 50 years of policing experience between us.
It is sickeningly easy to find appalling footage online, of young people wielding huge knives and machetes, often whilst inflicting serious if not fatal injuries upon people, and to view groups of young men, who could quite easily still be teenagers, rampantly climbing over Perspex screens to threaten or assault shopworkers, and brazenly steal thousands of pounds worth of cigarettes, alcohol, cash and more.
And don’t get me started on the number of mobile phone thefts, handbag snatches, and pickpocketing crimes that pollute our streets. Tragically, a number of children have recently been convicted of murder.
I know a delightful couple who are absolute bastions of society, whose teenage son became a lawless, revolting brute who drove his parents to despair, and as much as they tried to find a reason for this, they couldn’t, nor could the professionals who came on board in an effort to get him back on the straight and narrow.
As we speak, sadly they have all failed, and he is currently and correctly stewing behind bars.
Perhaps a few years of being denied his freedom will bring him to his senses.
This kind of puzzling case is a relative rarity because most of the violent thugs that we would all cross the road to avoid, come from very different backgrounds.
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Trusted research tells us that absent fathers, poverty, exclusion from school, a lack of respected role models, and falling into the wrong kind of company, can all be factors that lead young people into crime.
I don’t doubt for a minute that these do contribute to a teenager becoming a repulsive thieving thug, but we now live in a society where simple good manners are often regarded as a sign of weakness, and people are very quick to shout at authority that, ‘I know my rights’, whilst having no comprehension whatsoever what their responsibilities to society are.
I shall forever remain convinced that the more that infants, toddlers, children and teenagers become accustomed to, and understanding of, one simple word, then the sooner we might just begin to drag our country back towards a place that we are proud to call home. Please pay attention Kids, the word is ‘No’.