Star acquisition Cam Allen’s conviction for drunk driving has been the biggest blight on an otherwise outstanding London Knights season. With his 15-game OHL suspension set to end, he sat down with LFP sportswriter Ryan Pyette to discuss the fallout of what the 20-year-old defenceman calls “a mistake I’ll never forget.” The team granted the interview on the condition he not be pushed for more details on the incident.
Q: As you prepare to play again Sunday in Windsor, what are you feeling right now?
A: “It’s been tough mentally. I was home (Toronto) for a while. It was good to regroup and be with my family at that time. Through the learning experience, I’ve started to feel better and better moving forward just trying to get myself in the right state of mind. It’s tough, but I just need to know what to expect and put the focus on hockey once I’m back. I think that will be a bit therapeutic for me, as well. It’s been tough but getting back to the rink and routine has helped my mental state.”
Q: What have you learned from this experience?
A: “Mainly, I learned a lot about myself and strategies I need to have to make better decisions, obviously. It was a lapse in judgement, of course, and there are a lot of things that are part of it that I need to learn about. Ultimately, it comes down to me learning about myself and how to make better decisions moving forward and how to manage anxieties within the game and trying to escape the game in ways. There are better ways to deal with that.”
Q: What amends have you made with your teammates?
A: I addressed (it) and apologized. I feel terribly for them. It’s a big distraction. Thankfully, they haven’t got off their game and I’m proud of them for battling through this, too. I’d be really upset if one of them did this as a teammate and friend. I want them to be able to trust me and I know, moving forward, the only way I can do that is by showing how committed I am to this process day-in and day-out.”
Q: What would your message be to the kids who look up to junior hockey players and the London Knights?
A: “Once I educate myself a little more about this, I can turn it into a positive and educate people in my shoes right now going through it. I never would have thought I would do something like this or something like this would happen to me – but it did. People hearing from a peer might be valuable in the future, but right now, it’s about showing remorse and there’s not much I can say to young kids. It’s a terrible look and I feel horribly for that.”
Q: Who helped you through this process?
A: “This is when you learn who your friends are and who is closest to you. My family, being home for a bit, that was helpful. As much as I wanted to be around the team, being home and around loved ones and my close friends helped me work through it. The people whose opinions matter most to me were supportive and helped me understand this isn’t the end for me. It’s a bump in the road and something I have to learn from and be better for. Obviously, it puts me on thin ice. Now, I have to prove myself to everyone. The people whose opinions I cared about helped me see a little bright side in it and a future. That was important, too. It was blocking out other noise that was difficult.”
Q: Did the OHL stay in touch with you and did you feel like they walked you through your 15-game suspension and return-to-play process?
A: Yeah, I was grateful Mr. Crawford (OHL commissioner Bryan Crawford) gave me the opportunity to speak with him. I went to his office and talked to him. He wanted to get to know me better and be more educated on what I think is going to come out of this and how I can move forward through this and that it’s not a reflection of my character and I can grow past it. It was an important conversation and I was glad he was willing to sit there and speak with me. The OHL has been helpful through it and my team, as well, letting it be known there are steps that have to be taken moving forward.”
Q: There are a number of conditions and parameters that have to be met by you to continue to play. How do you feel about that process?
A: “I’m not hiding from any of the consequences. I believe it’s fair what they put in place for me. Community service, that’s something that can be a positive and maybe (through) working with young kids on and off the ice. I understand I can’t hide from it and be disappointed by it. I made the decision and have to face the consequences so that’s the way I’m looking at it. It’s not anything I can’t handle. It’ll be an extra set of things to do but I’m willing to do them all.”
Q: You made some changes when you came back to London, including moving in with Knights director of security and former police officer Bob Martin. Did you feel like you needed a different approach on your return?
A: “In my day-to-day life, there are habits that can be changed (in) dealing with anxieties of the game and finding ways to relieve stress. I came into a great billet family when I got here. Things weren’t bad in London before. I loved living with my billets and I think it was important to have a fresh start. Bob is a guy who is there for me every day and knows how to work through these things. He has helped me a lot and it’s been important being around someone like that. I understand there are changes that need to be made and having a closer eye on me, I understand all that, and it’s been a positive experience.”
Q: Last month, you started dealing with police officers, lawyers and the court system. What was that like?
A: “It was really scary. I was in shock and obviously wasn’t in the right state of mind when it all went down. It was a really hard couple of days before I could sit back and reflect on it. There’s no hiding from it, that’s for sure, especially with all the media that’s involved. It was a lot and I just tried to stay present and positive in any way that I can. It really helped me (to) not think too negatively, which was difficult to do. It was an experience I hope to never go through again and have never been through before. It was different.”
Q: There was uncertainty on whether or not you would play for the Knights again this season. How do you feel about getting this chance?
A: “I’m grateful and blessed to get that opportunity. When I say that, the people whose decisions it was were able to look at my character and decide I am willing to come back and see I am committed to taking the steps forward in order for this not to happen again or any issues off the ice to happen again. I feel blessed to have a second chance and move forward. That’s something I was scared (about) that it wasn’t going to be a choice but talking to the people whose opinions mattered to me, I was able to get a little bit of positivity and this doesn’t define me but what I do moving forward does.”
Q: How has your interaction with the Knights staff and players been through the last month?
A: “They’re here to support me. That’s why this is such a great organization and culture. Everyone is there for you. They’re with me through this, as well, and they’re welcoming me back and giving me a second chance, too. It’s not just the league. It’s my teammates, as well. I need to show them I’m committed to being a good teammate, good person and I’m with them to the end.”
Q: You were brought to London to help the team win the Memorial Cup. Do you think, with everything on your plate now, you can be as effective a player as you were before this happened?
A: “I worked out at home. I skated. When I get on the ice, it blocks everything else out. It’s therapy, really. All you think about is the game. I don’t really care what guys say to me on the ice. That (the opposing fans) will be part of it, but I don’t really care. I never really liked those people. I don’t care what their opinions are. It’s the same as Instagram comments. You can’t pay attention to that. I listen to the people whose opinions matter to me and that’s all and not listen to outside noise.”