When we were younger, it’s likely that our parents or teachers encouraged us to share – whether that was food, toys or anything else at home or at school.
But when we’re thinking back to these times, there’s a good chance that we weren’t really given a choice. The command to share was always clear, and it was seen as a way of being polite and fair.
However, one dad on social media says it’s time to stop telling your children to share. Instead, he’s recommended a clever alternative that still teaches manners but in a way that your little one makes more of a conscious decision to do it.
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Author and dad Darius Ryan-Kadem, who often posts helpful TikTok videos detailing how people can overcome those tricky parenting woes, has hailed the benefits of teaching your children empathy rather than just commanding them to share.
Giving a helpful example, he showed his child playing on the swings at the park, while another little boy was upset, noting that both the swings were taken.
He said: “I didn’t tell her what I thought, instead I asked her what she thought.”
Taking cues from the situation, his daughter believed the reason he was upset was because he wanted to go on the swing too. The dad added: “This means she understands someone else’s needs by reading their non-verbal cues.”
He then gave her the opportunity to do something about it, rather than directly telling her to get off the swing. However, it’s not always this easy – as the little girl wasn’t keen to get off the swing herself.
Darius said: “I didn’t push – I wanted her to consciously make a choice based on empathy, not my command.”
Luckily, another swing became free so the boy did get a chance to go on it. However, he still didn’t seem to be happy or enjoy being on the swing.
The dad added: “Imagine I commanded her that she must share, and took her off the swing. She would have been robbed of the opportunity to understand empathy and read other people’s non-verbal cues.
“Sharing as a result of external commands lacks a genuine understanding or consideration for others’ needs or feelings.”
In the comments, people praised Darius for this technique, with many saying they were keen to use it while teaching their own children about empathy.
One person said: “I appreciate that you also ask if she wants to do anything about it but not force her. It’s not always up to her to accommodate or take care of other people’s feelings.”
Another wrote, “I wish I could drill this into people’s heads. Being forced to share things only taught me that my personal wants and needs didn’t matter and that I don’t truly own anything of mine.”
And a third praised: “There should be training seminars for new parents, and this is how it should be taught.”