In a committed relationship, you wouldn’t expect to discover your partner on a dating app.
It’s now increasingly common for couples to meet via platforms like Tinder and Bumble, but if you’ve met someone you’re committed to on a dating app it’s generally considered polite to discuss deleting the apps once the relationship becomes serious. Otherwise, it can give the impression that you’re not committed to the relationship and might consider cheating.
However, one woman was shocked to find her boyfriend still had multiple dating apps on his phone – a decade into their relationship. She revealed that he admitted to having the apps during a couple’s therapy session, which they started attending after experiencing a challenging year together. And his four-word excuse left her outraged.
He told her: “It’s just a game.” In a Reddit post, she expressed her frustration, stating: “I confronted him about it, and he said, ‘Oh, I can delete those, I was just swiping faces’ and ‘It’s just a game’. He then proceeded to deflect and start talking about all the things I need to work on and how we just need to ‘communicate’ better.”
After asking for some space, the boyfriend’s suspicious behaviour continued. A week later, the woman found Google searches for “how to hide apps” on their home computer. He had even created two additional dating profiles without her knowledge, raising concerns about potential infidelity.
Upon confronting him again, she was accused by him of “snooping” on his activities. She recounted: “I brought up the fact I saw he Googled this, and he said I was snooping and ‘tracking’ him and said that the app is just a dopamine hit. [He then] asked for some time [without] contact. Am I missing something? To me, this is cheating.”
Commenters responding to her post quickly rallied to her side, with many affirming that engaging with dating apps is tantamount to infidelity, especially since he continued the behaviour after being caught initially.
One questioned: “Why are you continuing to waste time with him? He’s shown you that he doesn’t respect you, and yes, for most, being on dating apps behind your partner’s back is considered cheating.”
Another offered solidarity and counsel, saying: “I know you are looking for others to confirm your thoughts, so you’ll have an easier time accepting it. Yes, this is cheating. Do not let him convince you otherwise, and I am sorry.”