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There’s something to be said for an old flame.
With the holidays upon us, people are often hit with feelings of nostalgia — and nothing will have your brain firing on all cylinders more than thinking about the one that got away.
There’s obviously a reason — or many reasons — why two people are no longer together.
But for those who may be heading home for the holidays, there may be a chance you may run into a lost love, which could result in a spark reigniting.
“It’s completely normal to feel nostalgic and even lonely when the holiday season comes around, especially if you’re heading home to celebrate,” Bumble’s sex and relationships expert Shan Boodram told the Toronto Sun.
“Being surrounded by family and friends in a familiar environment is bound to stir up some old feelings, or even boredom, which may lead you to wonder if it’s worth reaching out to an old flame who just so happens to be back in town, too,” she explained.
Boodram referred to a term called “Marleying” — named after Jacob Marley, the ghostly protagonist in A Christmas Carol — for when an ex seems to resurface “from the dead” over the holidays.
“Sometimes, you look back on past relationships with rose-coloured glasses, especially if it’s been some time since you’ve spoken to your ex-partner.”
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So while it could be nothing but fond memories, there is a chance it could be something — and if you’re left wondering if what you are feeling is real, it may just be you with those thoughts.
While looking back at photos from the good old days or simply remembering sweeter times that may pull at the heartstrings, always remember there is a reason two people are no longer together.
“Revisiting a hometown romance can be a complex and emotionally charged experience, and whether it provides meaningful closure or reopens old wounds depends on the specific circumstances surrounding the relationship, the people involved, and their emotional readiness to confront the past,” Boodram explained.
“That’s why self-reflection is so important in these situations, where you really take the time to be honest with yourself about your intentions for reaching out, and whether you think your ex will be receptive.”
She suggests asking yourself the hard questions: Is it the familiarity you miss or the good your relationship brought to your life?
“If it’s the former, ask yourself if you genuinely allowed yourself to see what else is out there before deciding that what you know is the only thing possible in a romantic connection,” she suggested.
“And also ask your friends, family, and loved ones who were around for the relationship what their take is.”