Gisele Bündchen is pregnant with her third child at the age of 44. The top model already had two children from her marriage to Tom Brady, but this time she and new partner Joaquim Valente are expecting their first child together.
“Gisele and Joaquim are excited about this new chapter in their lives and look forward to creating a peaceful and loving environment for the entire family,” an anonymous source told People in an interview .
Involved or not?
It’s no easy task, because the children Gisele shares with Tom Brady are aged 14 (son Benjamin Rein) and 11 (daughter Vivian Lake) and will have to get used to the new family composition.
It’s a situation that sounds very familiar to many of us and one that must be handled with the necessary finesse, according to relationship therapist Vanessa Muyldermans.
“It’s good for kids, especially teens, to learn that relationships evolve,” she says.
“They start, change and, in some cases, even end completely — and that’s OK.
“When you break up with a partner with whom you have children, explain to your children what your new relationship is and also emphasise that there can still be mutual love and/or respect. Just because you’re no longer a couple doesn’t mean those emotions suddenly disappear.”
When you subsequently meet someone new and start a new (blended) family with that person, it is important to inform your children about this as early as possible.
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Broad outlines
“Try to inform them in broad terms about the new situation at first,” advises Muyldermans.
“Don’t overwhelm them with details right away, but explain clearly that a new family member is on the way.
“In a later conversation you can gauge exactly how much information they want and to what extent they want to be involved.”
Especially in the case of teenagers and older children, you can leave it up to them to decide what they want to know and what they don’t want to know, and what aspects of the pregnancy they want to be involved in or not.
“Don’t forget that they are still children. Taking care of them is your most important role as a parent, so don’t treat them as friends with whom you share all your worries.
“Make it clear to them that they can share their feelings about the new family situation with you, even if those emotions are negative.
“Create a safe environment, one in which they can also change their minds. If they don’t feel like being involved at first and then do later, that’s not a problem either. The most important thing is that they feel heard.
“What they want may not be possible, but being able to share those feelings with you in confidence is essential.”
New balance
Once the new family member arrives, a new balance must be found — one in which attention is paid to your new baby, your partner and your other children.
“That balance is not mathematical,” says Muyldermans.
“It is not necessary to calculate on a weekly basis how many hours you spend with whom. But a balance over the long term is necessary and no more than fair.
“A new family member automatically means that everyone gets a little less physical attention, but especially your emotional presence is decisive. Try to make sure that your children —and, by extension, your partner — know that they can count on you.”
“If you miss an important moment in the life of one of your children because you have a medical appointment planned for your baby, say why and say how sorry you think that is.
“Try not only to be there next time, but also to show your emotional presence — for example, in the form of a talisman or by calling in advance.”