Welcome to Ben’s World. Enter at your own risk.
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One teacher learned the hard way. In a Zoom class, she was gushing about how cute and cuddly hippos are, like the dancing ones in Fantasia or huggable Gloria in the Madagascar films.
Ben Haslam, 8, watching from home, squirmed in his wheelchair.
“Take me off mute!” he barked to his mom, Christine.
“Want to say something, Ben?” asked the unsuspecting teacher.
“Yes. Have you gone mad?!” said Ben. “Hippos aren’t cute and cuddly. They are one of the most dangerous animals in Africa. They are many things, but they are NOT cute and cuddly.”
Ouch. Lesson learned. Don’t mess with Dr. Doolittle, even in Grade 3.
Which brings us to the cafeteria at Variety Village. Ben is here with his mom, dad Tom, sister Isla, 5, and wee Jack, 2. Ben is on a zoological roll.
“Did you know,” he asks, “that if you pee near a tiger, he’ll attack you?”
I did not know that, though who could blame him?
“Tigers are like skunks. They can spray urine up to 10 feet away. So, if a tiger turns his back on you, run away immediately.”
Will do, kid. Now, let’s talk about baseba…
“Do you know what a pangolin is?”
A flightless bird in Antarctica?
“No, it’s like an armadillo, though it’s not one. It’s basically a bigger armadillo, with a longer tail.”
In Antarctica?!
“In Africa and Asia.”
Good. Much warmer.
“How about an echidna?”
I blink blankly.
“It’s like a porcupine,” he explains patiently, “but with spikes all over.”
“And did you know if you’re in the desert and you cut open a dead camel it actually will explode. It’s filled with explosive fat. It’s like a walking jerry can.”
So, how about those Jays?
I was told Ben was a stalwart in Variety’s Challenger Baseball program, sponsored by the Blue Jays’ foundation, Jays Care. It offers kids with disabilities baseball-themed games in a mini diamond on the Village grounds. A chance to play out fantasies of Series-winning homers. That why you joined, Ben?
“My mom made me,” says the kid.
There’s a twinkle in his eye. If your eyes are the gateway to your soul, it must be especially true when your physical self is so limited.
In Ben’s case, they ought to charge admission to his brain. We’ll all be working for him some day. This is one witty, sharp, eight-year-old.
Eclectic, too. He has a roomful of animal books, but is also reading the fantasy novel The Carpet People. His fave movie is Nicholas Cage’s horror flick Willy’s Wonderland.
“It sounds like a happy movie, but it’s not.”
Ben plays competitive video games. He beat his mom at bowling, using an adaptive ramp. At Variety Village, he prefers Volt hockey. The carts spin on a dime. The games are fast – and competitive.
“You know what? I love my life,” he says. “I wouldn’t change anything about my life.”
Not even to walk?
“Maybe. But when I’m watching TV I don’t think about it. I mean, I know how to use the remote.”
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There’s that twinkle again. We are lucky Ben is among us.
At birth, he weighed two pounds. Code Blue. He spent a month at Sick Kids. Hole in his heart, collapsed lung, trouble breathing, the works. Brain imaging showed cerebral palsy.
He arrived at Variety Village for therapy, at age 3. Now, he’s already written his first book, with a couple of school chums, called Dragon Slayer, set in a forest of giant celery. He plans to be a writer or animator – or a zookeeper. Or a power washer operator. Anything’s possible in Ben’s World.
At Halloween, he was the Hulk. A kind of anti-hero like you, eh, Ben?
“Did you say anteater?”
Very funny, Dr. Doolittle.
HOW TO HELP
Variety Village is a highlight of Ben’s World. The iconic Scarborough sports centre caters to kids with disabilities. You can help keep it going through the Sun Christmas Fund. Donate direct at www.sunchristmasfund.ca.
Join the following kind souls on Ben’s honour roll:
Peter Maik, Etobicoke, $1,000
Deanne Mizuno, Kleinburg, $5,000, in honour of Mike Strobel
Diane Fetzko, Concord, $25
Sales of Viking Cat – Tulip the Brave, Kagawong, $3,000
Nancy Cavanagh, Toronto, $500
Christopher Ng, Markham, $5,400
Sol Mednick, Toronto, $100
Mario Perek, Holland Landing, $250
Jack Boland, Toronto, $100
Derek Vachon, Burlington, $100, in memory of Shay Ann Clark
Anonymous, $200, in honour of Shay Ann Clark
Jen Brown, Toronto, $40, in honour of Kyra Menzie
Ting Chan, Toronto, $30, in honour of Kyra Menzie
Hyundai Canada (Raymond Ramos), Markham, $500
Gary Bluestein Charitable Foundation, North York, $5,500
Jeff Markus, Toronto, $50
Terry Tator, Toronto, $35, in honour of Bob Hall
Barry Wolfish, Plymouth, $50, for Bob Hall
Kim Davidson, Chatsworth, $75, for Bob Hall
Liz Grogan, Toronto, $50, for Bob Hall
Bonnie Lester, Toronto, $100, for Bob Hall
Niel Wolfish, Toronto, $180, for Bob Hall
Deborah Aiwasian, Glendora, $250, in memory of Arlene Zitsow
Todd Foxford, Macedon, $50
Anonymous, $120
Kimberley Pitre, $300, in honour of Geraldine Lucia
Anonymous, $25, in honour of Natasha Lam
Barry Lam, Toronto, $35
TSX Inc., Toronto, $700
Anonymous, $1,000, in honour of Caroline Breen
Fay Sharif, North York, $100
Holly LeValliant, Toronto, $50
Anonymous, $100
Tatiana Lee, Markham, $20
Vincenzo Carinci, Mississauga, $200
Karen and Victor Figueiredo, Toronto, $35
Brooke Harrison, Toronto, $200
Sheila Miceli, East York, $100
William Wilson, Enfield, $100
Dick van Delft, Pickering, $100
Ron Collum, Oakville, $100
Peter Jackson, Barrie, $100
Sylvia and Joe Saunders, Oshawa, $100
Mike O’Hearn, Scarborough, $150, in memory of my cousin Jackie
Linda Abrams, Toronto, $18
Alan Simpson, Toronto, $100
The TTC Team, Juliann Opitz, Toronto, $100
Deborah Back, Scarborough, $100
Lea Zamuner, Oakville, $500
Elizabeth and Brian McGarva, Scarborough, $100
Norah Czindl, Midland, $50
Gary Fishlock, Toronto, $300
Anonymous, $250
Angelo Colapietro, Toronto, $100
Amy Sevigny, Toronto, $50
Colleen and Steve Mackenzie, Pickering, $100
Douglas Davis, Toronto, $40
Mike Madill, Toronto, $375
Eric Kelly, Toronto, $20
Ross Copas, Tweed, $100
Anne Hawley, Etobicoke, $50
Claudia Leavens, Toronto, $150
Wellington Consulting Inc, Newmarket, $1,000
Anonymous, $50
Douglas G. Maunder, Scarborough, $100
Janet Borland, Mississauga, $100
Anonymous, $100
William Murray, Toronto, $100
Anonymous, $18
Alana Auger, Orangeville, $25
David Moss, Etobicoke, $250
Nancy Brown, Pickering, $100
Stephen Connell, Markham, $100
Dwight Powell, Aurora, $500
Rose Osborn, Toronto, $50
Robin Searle, Oakville, $50
Jeff Freedman, Vaughan, $25
Mark Dixon, Newcastle, $100
Maria Teresa Turchetti, Toronto, $100
Gordon McRae, Burlington, $500
Rocky Scigliano, Toronto, $60
David Simpson, Scarborough, $100
Total to date $32,156