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Many of us were programmed to think that a relationship is all about a couple — two people, two souls, one heart, and all that.
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But nowadays, love no longer just comes in pairs, so should the law not catch up?
“Polyamorous relationships are a type of consensual non-monogamy,” dating and relationship expert. Callisto Adams told The Toronto Sun, noting that they are “about having deep, loving relationships with multiple people at the same time, with everyone’s knowledge and consent.”
As polyamorous relationships become more prevalent in Canadian society, family lawyers may be forced to address issues that arise when these connections come to an end.
“We know that there are more people choosing to live in polyamorous relationships,” said Alyssa Bach, an ssociate at Shulman & Partners.
“What we are still understanding is how it may play out when these relationships end. It’s definitely not straightforward and without some type of agreement it can be complex and confusing.”
One in five people in Canada has practiced consensual non-monogamy, according to a report from the Vanier Institute earlier this year.
While polyamorous relationships are legal in Canada, the report noted Canadian law does not recognize intimate relationships between more than two people.
That makes throuples or quads — or whatever the relationship — that much more complicated and can leave people struggling to navigate with systems and institutions that were not designed to support them.
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“Family law is traditionally modelled and not yet representative of the multitude of relationships that can exist in our society,” Bach noted.
“As family lawyers, we advise individuals, couples and families, including anyone living in a polyamorous arrangement, to have an agreement in place to reduce potential conflict in the event of a breakup,” Bach recommended.
She added people can change the description of the relationship after they walk away, creating possible “complexities in the event of a breakup and request for support.”
However, to help navigate these, for the most part, unchartered waters, Shulman & Partners suggests those in polyamorous relationships should be proactive with discussions and have an agreement in place detailing daily living and the rights and obligations of all involved.
They also point out that the possibilities of a separation should be considered, so each individual involved should factor in support payments, how property is handled and whether contact with non-biological children will continue.
However, the firm also warned those whose names are not on the title of a property against contributing anything, nor should they financially support others in the relationship as it could create support obligations down the road.
“Polyamorous relationships may not be widely discussed unless you’re living in this type of arrangement. That’s why we’re explaining the importance of having an agreement to outline rights and obligations in the event of a separation at the outset of the relationship,” Bach said.
“Without an agreement, it can be uncertain how the court will address the issues, especially if the narrative surrounding the nature of the relationship is in dispute.
“For example, appealing to the court after the fact, without an agreement, someone could argue that they are a roommate and don’t consider themselves a spouse,” she noted.
“This could create barriers in your case.”