A man waved me down while I was parked in the Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio. “You know they had to redo the crash tests on these? They did them wrong — focused on front offset impacts when they should’ve prioritized rear-enders with it sitting on the side of the road.”
Nothing actually malfunctioned in my week with the Quadrifoglio, but I can’t say I didn’t laugh — especially remembering the three warranty service invoices found in the glovebox of the last Stelvio I tested. Alfa, sweet Alfa.
But then: you aren’t getting this sort of thrill from a Toyota. More serious than the F-Pace SVR, more lively than the X-series BMW Ms, more authentic than the Merc AMGs — this is assuredly the most memorable of this generation’s aggro crossovers that probably oughtn’t exist.
The Alfa Stelvio has been with us since 2016, but the sun is setting on this mightiest of trims. Powered by a 2.9-litre twin-turbo V6 penned by the same fellow who did the Ferrari 488’s V8 — and utilizing some of the same quirks and design principles — the QF’s harkens back to the good ol’ days of the Busso V6, if without that breathy ol’ Bussy induction.
Turbocharging has its place, mind: the Alfa R.Z.’s 207-hp naturally aspirated 3.0 couldn’t hope to touch this post-Busso crossover’s 505 horsepower and 443 pound-feet of torque — not to mention its 3.6-second run to 100 km/h. They’ve done this traditionally too: turbines flank the banks, unlike the ‘hot vees’ that have swept the premium brands since BMW’s N63.
Rated top speed is 286 km/h, but you’d better trust those brakes. That’s a mixed bag, depending on what you’re doing. They do a respectable job in casual sporty driving, tugging well enough with a gradual roll-in. On-track stomp-trail braking, however, reveals that these four-pot fronts can prove troublingly lazy if not cooking hot. Granted a few laps’ tire wear at Cayuga, full-footed braking on warmish brakes left a few moments of surprise: where was the stopping power? The F-Pace SVR also runs four-piston fronts, but clamps down far more readily in comparable conditions on the same circuit.
Rubber helps this somewhat, along with brake vectoring that helps to tug the 1,960-kilo (4,313-lb) crossover in toward apex in a way feeling rather like some of today’s German sports cars. This chassis management gives an edge over the cruder, more Mustang-like Jag SVR and brings it in toward the last-generation (pre-EV) Porsche Macan GTS.
Like the rest of the Stelvios, the Quadrifoglio fits the same ZF 8HP eight-speed automatic transmission used in its competitors from Jaguar and BMW, along with Aston Martin, most every mainline Stellantis product, and half the industry. It’s a smooth and steady unit capable of taking plenty of power, and which avoids the mechanical judder of more specialized multi-clutch setups. Last-minute downshift requests don’t always arrive with quite the immediacy desired, but so it goes.
Power routes through carbon-fibre driveshafts to all four wheels, albeit with a delightfully pronounced rear bias. Boot the pedal mid-bend and the tail can slip a playful but nonthreatening wiggle even from low intersection speeds before pulling straight from the 20- or optional 21-inch fronts. You could also drop the assists outright, of course — but this is a Stelvio, not a Giulia.
As for the Giulia, however, there’s more than just a shared powertrain. The Stelvios are built from FCA’s ‘Giorgio’ platform introduced under that sedan sibling, and which has since stretched and even electrified to underpin the Maserati Gran Turismo and Stelvio-matching Levante, and even the Jeep Grand Cherokee. Tailored to the Stelvio, this base obviously sits taller but remains comparably sprung (relative to mass) with double wishbones up front and the usual multilink rear.
This setup makes for an easy everyday ute, as we’ve covered in our test of the midrange Stelvio Veloce. Forward visibility, seating position, and general comfort place well for the category, though rear stretch room lacks somewhat and sacrifices the all-positions sense of occasion offered by the deep rear seats in the Jaguar.
Strong-bolstered but accessible front seats make up for this, not that rears are even the priority in a driver-focused model. These standard sport seats feel exciting without posing too much trouble on ingress and egress, and should still prove accommodating across a wide range of body types. More aggressive Sparco seats are available for $4,500 on the option sheet, but Canadians may miss their seat heating. Shoppers considering the Stelvio over the Giulia for its higher H-point and general accessibility may find these more restrictive buckets unwelcoming.
Surrounding the seating is an appropriately leathered cabin with a unique optional ‘open-pore’ rough-textured carbon weave used as a prominent contrast material throughout. The interior doesn’t quite match the soft-touch, modern-interfaced luxury of the SVR, but its throwback cluster humps and specific character have their place. Also nice is the console-mounted volume knob, which can be knocked left and right to switch through tracks. Dual-zone climate is standard, as are the usual modern driver assists including blind-spot assistance, adaptive cruise, and lane-keeping.
The Stelvio’s everyday ease has its limits though, and it’s the infotainment that strikes worst. Distant, slow, and labyrinthine, the Stelvio’s native 8.8-inch centre-screen interface is plainly unpleasant to use. Users are advised to keep to Apple CarPlay and Android Auto as much as possible — mercifully an easy ask, as the native menus’ must-interact functions are largely limited to set-and-forget settings pane. On the plus side too, its small size and dark theme minimize the usual unsightly tablet of distraction we so dislike in other appliance-like crossovers.
Rear visibility is predictably cramped, and that small camera feed absolutely shows its age. Also frustrating are those large, goofy paddles which mount to the column rather than the wheel. They look dramatic, but you have to look for them when you’re really in it. The microswitches they trip also feel and sound disappointingly cheap for such large aluminum parts.
This is where we’d typically dive into pricing and value propositions and the like, but this is more a farewell than anything: the world is changing and the Quadrifoglios are being retired. You can technically still ask a dealer, from whom Canadian pricing will start from $107,428 after destination. You’re almost certainly going to pay the $750 for the optional red-painted calipers at that point, and likely the $1,600 for the extra inch of wheel. If you’re fitting winters, note that the fronts and rears are staggered — 9J up front and 10J at the back.
The Stelvio QF is flawed in the least surprising ways, but it is a proper joy on the daily as it is on track. Alfa always leaned on ‘emotion’ to earn its vehicles a pass for their failings, but this unusual power-building 90-degree V6 absolutely elicits a unique joy on its upshifts, a build to its redline, and a sadness in its retirement. This is a vehicle that you buy for the engine, its regular-powered siblings defined by the QF’s trickle-down halo effect.
A crossover that finally showed sport crossovers could be not just fast, but along with the supercharged AJ V8 Jag SVR, fun and unique — this silly ute will be missed.
Oh, and one more thing: it’s Quad-ri-foh-leo. The G is silent, guys.
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