Fostering has “big challenges but massive rewards” a Bristol carer has said as she urged more people to help look after children needing a home. There is a dire shortage of foster carers in the city and Bristol City Council has launched an urgent call for potential new carers to apply.
Carers can look after children from just one weekend a month to more permanently for several years, and the council provides training, support and cash. Research shows the best outcomes for children in care is when they are placed with families, rather than staying in children’s homes.
Andrea Warnes started fostering ten years ago. She is currently doing “alternative care”, which used to be known as respite, looking after three children temporarily. This is when their normal foster carers need a break or are in hospital, for example. “Sometimes you get challenges within the household,” she said, “and everybody needs space to calm down, so they come here.”
Children are sometimes placed with carers in an emergency, just for a night or two, or other times for much longer while their future is being decided by a court. The longest she cared for a child was seven years, a teenager who is now 17 years old and recently moved out.
The most satisfying part of fostering is “seeing the change you can make”, Ms Warnes said. “The challenges are big but the rewards are massive.” She gave an example of the teenager who she looked after for seven years, who used to struggle with communication.
“He never trusted us as adults, and struggled to communicate with me. He’s moved on now and I message him now and then to check in, and I get sentences in my reply, and even a kiss the other day. He would never do that before, I would get one word answers when he lived here. Maybe I have made a bit of an impact on him. That’s really special.”
Another example was giving children new experiences, like “taking them to the beach for the first time”. One child she looked after suffered with anxiety and self-harming, shut themselves away in their room and wouldn’t communicate. But then on a trip to see horses, “their face lit up and those worries dropped away”.
There are challenges too. A lot of foster children have suffered trauma and struggle to regulate emotions more than other children. “They’re effectively coming to live with strangers,” Ms Warnes said, and helping them to relax and settle in can be challenging. “You get shouted at, massive meltdowns, doors slammed. It’s like having teenagers but it can happen at any age.”
But there is extensive training and support available for foster carers. “We get really good training with the council.” There are also support groups which meet face-to-face and online, as well as events for foster carers and their children, such as Christmas parties or trips to Crealy Theme Park in Devon.
Free football coaching is also on offer once a week, run by Bristol City FC’s Robins Foundation, available to both foster children and the birth children of foster carers. Help from social workers and therapists is available too.
Ms Warnes and her husband were first drawn to fostering after watching a television programme, which focused on social workers, foster children and particularly siblings, who can’t always be kept together. “Imagine being separated from your siblings”, she said. They also have a 16-year-old daughter, who has grown up sharing her parents and home with foster children.
She added: “A lot of people also have their own birth children. Without their support we couldn’t do it. They have to share everything with these children, us, their homes, their pets. They help those children feel welcome and safe at home.” Her daughter got along well with the teenager Ms Warnes looked after for seven years, still stays in touch and even refers to him as a brother.
Fostering can be as short-term as a weekend a month, to as long-term as looking after a young person until they turn 18. Financial support is offered by the council, to help potential carers cover the costs of looking after children.