Liam Payne’s devastating death this week unleashed a shockwave across the globe. Even those who were admittedly not following the 31-year-old’s music career nor listened to One Direction have felt their world change in the aftermath of the tragedy.
But why can the death of someone you’ve never even met affect you? How healthy is it to be publicly mourning someone when their own loved ones are enraged by the information being shared about him? Chartered psychologist Dr Mark Rackley delved into the parasocial relationship and grief fans are wading through.
He explained that these relationships are admittedly one-sided with celebrities, usually “based on the celebrity making themselves available to the fans” both personally and professionally in their career. In return, fans provide loyalty, devotion and attention to their chosen idol.
As more of the celebrity’s personal life is revealed to the public, the more “intimately” connected fans may feel which starts an “emotional bond”. The impact of a celebrity’s death will affect people more depending on how deep this bond has been rooted.
For many young adults who grew up in the prime of One Direction’s stardom, this emotional bond with the band and its individual stars also has emotional links to nostalgia and their childhood in general, making the loss more devastating even for people who weren’t fans. Speaking directly to those who feel like they’re struggling to manage their grief, Dr Rackley advised: “Firstly, acknowledge that grief is what is happening and that the loss is real.
“There is no shame or weakness in crying, feeling overwhelmed and lost, accept that. Trying to go it alone with grief is not a good idea as the feelings can be too intense to deal with by yourself. Get support from family and friends and maybe see a grief counsellor.
“Grief takes time, you cannot rush it, speed it up or predict when you will have a wave of it. Take your time with it and lean into it. It will pass and life will go on. Talking about what this person meant to you, how their presence in your life impacted you and also remembering the memories that you have that make you smile. Time can be taken talking about them, listening to their music and also talking to other fans who will understand how you feel.”
While the expert noted that parasocial relationships are a normal part of the human psyche, they can go “too far”. He urged people to watch out for warning signs that their attachment is becoming unhealthy: “While we are experiencing loss and grief, life does need to go on.
“If you are finding that you are falling down rabbit holes of looking up information about the celebrity, that this is taking up more time than usual and you are consumed by this behaviour, then this needs to be moderated.
“Talking about the loss is important, but not ruminating on that and keeping that as the sole topic of conversation. Watch that you are not getting stuck in the loss by stopping daily activities that you would normally do, isolating yourself and only focusing on the loss.”
The podcast host’s insights comes shortly after Cheryl Cole, Liam’s former partner and mother of his only child, Bear, made an emotional plea to anyone posting things about the singer’s death online. She
in the late hours of Friday evening: “I’d like to kindly remind everyone that we have lost a human being. Liam was not only a pop star and celebrity, he was a son, a brother, an uncle, a dear friend and a father to our 7-year-old son. A son that has to face the reality of never seeing his father again.
“What is troubling my spirit the most is that one day Bear will have access to the abhorrent reports and media exploitation we have seen in the past two days. It is breaking my heart further that I cannot protect him from that in his future.
“I am begging you to consider what use some of these reports are serving, other than to cause further harm to everyone left behind picking up the pieces. Before you leave comments or make videos, ask yourself if you would like your own child or family to read them.”