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Kelly Pigeon discovered the world of arousal serums in an unlikely place – the board room.
While working at Johnson & Johnson, she overheard a colleague discussing a product that would give you a clitoral orgasm with just a few drops when paired with the usual manual or toy stimulation. “Intrigued, I gave it a try — and wow, it was a game changer,” she shares.
For heterosexual couples, there continues to be a disparity in orgasms with men orgasming 95% of the time during sexual intercourse, compared to only 65% of women. Speaking to friends, Pigeon discovered many people wished they could have better and more frequent orgasms. Thus, the inspiration for her product, Epiphany – a clitoral arousal serum, was born.
Encased in a chic orange box with the inscription “You deserve to orgasm. Every time,” Epiphany is designed to close the orgasm gap while addressing the challenges of perimenopausal women – a demographic that’s often left out of the sex conversation.
Perimenopause commonly begins in your late 30s and early 40s. As Pigeon explains, “Low sexual drive is one of the most common symptoms of perimenopause with more than half of women experiencing it.” Many women also report a decrease in sensitivity and arousal during this phase.
“Not only can penetration feel less pleasurable, but some find that specific pathways to pleasure change. For example, direct stimulation of the clitoral head may become uncomfortable whereas indirect stimulation or more diffused sensation can lead to orgasm,” says sexologist, Jessica O’Reilly, Tinder’s Canadian relationship expert.
While Pigeon’s Epiphany addresses issues with sensitivity – the serum stimulates the clitoris with a warm, tingling sensation – perimenopause impacts sex in a myriad of ways that can’t simply be treated with a magic balm.
The hormonal shifts during perimenopause can affect key wellness and lifestyle factors — sleep, diet, exercise, mood, and more. O’Reilly says, “When you don’t sleep well, you may have less physical and emotional energy to invest in work, relationships, and of course, sex.”
This can create a snowball effect. “If you don’t have the energy to exercise or if you find that your previously enjoyed routine is no longer appealing, the shift in practice can affect all facets of your life — from the way you relate to yourself to the way you interact with a partner to the way you feel about pleasure in your body,” shares O’Reilly.
If you or your partner is experiencing perimenopause, O’Reilly says education is the first step. “This shouldn’t be a one-sided responsibility,” she says. Instead, she suggests, “Listen to their experience if they want to share, but you can also do some reading to understand this universal stage of life.”
O’Reilly also encourages people to be open to alternatives – whether that’s lifestyle tweaks that encourage better sleep or exploring new approaches to pleasure, which may include embracing sex toys, lubricant or an arousal serum.
Having said that, O’Reilly says we also have to acknowledge that loss of desire often isn’t solely a matter of hormones. It may be related to relationship quality and lifestyle factors. “It’s easy to blame perimenopause, but in many cases, the decline in desire long preceded the physiological symptoms. Addressing the root causes related to relationship quality and lifestyle can be equally important,” says O’Reilly.
O’Reilly reminds us that now is the perfect time to reinvest in your connection. “Research suggests that quality of relationships at age 50 is a significant predictor of life quality at age 80. This extends beyond partnered relationships to all social ties. So this may be a good time to take stock of your relationships, prioritize those that bring fulfillment and make changes accordingly,” she says.
This may mean revisiting your emotional bond as a couple. If you’ve been focused on raising children together, it may be time for a romance reset. Additionally, O’Reilly says, “If you’ve stopped having sex or find that sex is unfulfilling, there is no shame, but you may want to start talking about what feels good — emotionally, physically, spiritually (if relevant to you).”
Be kind to your body and understand that perimenopause symptoms are not a sign of failure or dysfunction. “They’re a part of the universal human experience, so being honest and straightforward is a good approach. Relinquishing blame will help to facilitate open conversations,” says O’Reilly.
Lastly, know that your experience is natural. O’Reilly reminds us, “Oftentimes, we struggle because we don’t want to accept change or we feel that we’re the only ones dealing with a specific challenge; but when it comes to perimenopause, you’re not alone.”